Patient & Survivor
by rockybluewigs
Summary: Clare has an interesting talk with an old Degrassi alum about life with cancer. ClareSpinner friendship - oneshot (based on the cancer storyline)


**AN: Wow, it's been a while...I'm pretty sure this has been done before, but if not, then I'm glad it hasn't. And because I love Spinner so much that I couldn't resist. So, a blast from the past meets a rhabdomyosarcoma patient. (BTW, I had to google the name because when Clare pronounced it, I wasn't even on the ballpark) If Degrassi did anything like this, I assure you, it would be more interesting, especially for the old watchers. Oh, and sorry for the cliché ending**

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. (if I did, this would have happened during the Summertime/All I Wanna Do episode)

* * *

The only time I ever have to get out of the stuffy hospital and everyone wants to stuff me back inside. My phone has been going through the roof with calls from my wonderful support group! I growl silently under my breath and enter the cool atmosphere of the Dot, where I get weird stares (probably because of my wig) immediately. The air conditioner immediately gives me a strong shiver, considering that my body is weak, but this shiver is...god, I feel like the harsh tundra winter of Canada just rushed through me, and it's only the beginning of the summer.

I roll my eyes and walk right in front of the front desk. "Do you have any bottles of room temperature water—"

"Clare?" Great; someone just had to recognize me despite my god-damned wig. Feeling grouchy, I plaster on a smile and turn around, but my smile drops, when I see the very recognizable person in front of me.

"What in the - I thought you..." Is this real life or did they slip antipsychotics in my medicine? "What the hell are you doing here?"

Spinner shrugs simply, and sits next to me on the stool. "Just felt like...strolling down memory lane. That and problems at home. It's not serious though. Anyway...nice hair color."

"It's a wig," I deadpan, and grab the warm water bottle from the table. "It's complicated."

Spinner raises an eyebrow slackingly. "Really? I have ADHD, I married a girl who caused me to have erections at _very_ awkward times for a science experiment, I intentionally crippled my long-time best friend and still can't figure out why he forgave me, I used to be in a gang that almost killed said best friend, and caused a notorious school shooting in Degrassi, I got shot in the same place we're sitting in, and I went through five, long years of high school. Oh, and if your sister probably didn't tell you long time ago, I'm a survivor of testicular cancer. Complicated is my _middle name_, Edwards."

Sighing, I know that most Degrassi alumni went through some crazy shit, so I reveal, "Luckily for you, we're kind of relatable. I have cancer."

"You have cancer?" he raises an eyebrow surprisingly, especially since his ex-girlfriend's little sister can get something so tragic. I don't blame him. I'm still the little girl he met when he was dating my sister.

"Rhabdomyosarcoma, or RMS, specifically," I say, blinking back tears. "It's a very rare type of cancer that affects my tissues, and happens mostly to small children, and people my age, but that's rarer."

"Did they catch it early, or is it too late?" Spinner asks, with concern.

"They caught it early, the only upside to a tragic soap opera that is my life," I laugh bitterly, with a white-hot tear falling on my sweater, seeping it through the cotton slowly. "Just as my life was getting better...V.P. at Degrassi, a wonderful boyfriend, senior year, a Paris trip...yet when something good happens, it bites me in the ass every, fucking, time!"

Spinner clears his throat, and I roll my eyes. "Seriously, Spin? Did you _really_ expect me to be the same cross-wearing, uniform wearing eighth grader? I'm seventeen, for God's sake!"

"Yeah, you're right," he sighs. "But...I mean, I haven't seen you ever since I got hitched. Don't you think I would be a little concerned that the private-school attending girl from a Christian family would develop a colorful vocabulary?"

"You're forgetting that I attend Degrassi," I point out, half jokingly.

With a grimace, the older man completely understands. "Yeah."

"How did you deal with your...um, chemo, or diagnosis?" I ask awkwardly; it's not like I'm talking to someone I knew closely that graduated, like Fiona, or even Sav. "So far, I've shaved my head off and thought that I looked like shit in front of my boyfriend."

"During my chemo, I realized just how good weed is for nausea," Spinner answers almost seriously, and I feel my stomach churn. I glare at him, but he ignores it. "But on a more serious note, I rebelled. I thought my girlfriend at the time would leave me. I could barely go to school without vomiting. I was a short-lived hero because back then, Degrassi wasn't used to the merge with Lakehurst, especially when an old student died..."

"Wow..." I gasp.

"Yeah, and since it's also a family thing, I'm scared to procreate boys," he reveals, looking over to the other side but I can see the grief written all over his face. "Besides the fact that testicular cancer is a very curable cancer once it's caught early, I was still scared for my life, and I did not handle it very well. Shaved my head into a mohawk, but..." He stares back at me, touching the blond wig on my head, "It seems that you took the risk and went _Brazilian_ on your whole head."

"My hair kept falling out!" I exclaim, with a rare smirk. "A patient told me to do it to feel better...and well, I had clippers for a reason."

"Well, do you feel better?"

I sneer, "No, I'm not. Actually, my head is so shiny that anyone can look at their reflection using sunlight."

Spinner stifles a laugh. I'm glad he finds this amusing, because it's not. Seeing the fixed sneer on my face, he straightens up, and clears his throat. "It will get better for you, Clare, don't forget that. A little fun fact... the same guy who's the principal of your school, suffered leukemia years ago."

My eyes widen - no, of course not! I knew he attended Degrassi his whole life, but..."You gotta be kidding me."

He nods, "Yeah, I didn't know much about it. He told me back when I was...trying to understand why I was so unfortunate. I could barely wrap my head around it especially since he was my teacher and I was only a stupid tenth grader that thought my gay best friend liked me."

"I never knew..." I say, still a bit speechless.

"There's a _lot_ you don't know about him," Spinner emphasizes. "If you do feel any more discouraged, you can always talk to him you know. It would be...surprising that his senior V.P. is suffering from rhabdomyosarcoma, but he can understand what 'thinking that you're going to die any second because that's what most cancer patients do' feels like. Trust me, if I was still reckless, I would have died a slow, painful death."

"That might happen to me if I keep playing my damn self," I mutter. I drink the warm water again after feeling my throat dry. I want to continue my original life, act like cancer doesn't exist for me, and be by my bestie Alli's side considering that's she's the single senior on the trip now. Well, I'm not single, but still. "I just want to know...when you're finally in that remission stage, and you're jumping for joy, do you ever fear that it might come back to haunt you, or do you move on?"

"Hearing that you're in remission can surprise, enlighten, and scare you," he replies. "You fear that it may come back...either on you that it's so bad that you won't live a day, or that your children can suffer. However, you forget all about that because the worry will eat you alive, and you live your life. Whatever it takes."

"I know I can make it through."


End file.
